Just picture this scenario:

Your green home is super-insulated, and made from recycled logs, and is a warm and comfortable refuge against the chill night.

The spirits and passion are rising, and you all remove your outer hemp clothing to change into something more comfortable. One of the beautiful women giggles as she reveals her edible panties.

You and your two female companions are having a wonderfully romantic night, eating healthy natural food you have grown in your own garden, drinking organic wine and beer, and lighting the intimate setting with fluorescent lights that are powered by the batteries, which your PV array had been charging all of this beautiful, sunny day.

The other beautiful woman suggests that you all sit in the recycled redwood hot tub for a while, and enjoy the natural beauty of the night sky. The three of you strip naked, and, taking another bottle of organic wine, enter the hot water, naturally warmed by the light of the sun using your solar water heater.

Joe Sample’s music is being played in the background, and piped into your ears using power that was collected with no harmful emissions.

The music, warm friends, and hot water combine with the wine for a heady experience. Their perky breasts jutting coyly, your women friends playfully chat and fondle you and each other. Your erection is below the water, but a friendly warm hand grabs it.

You kiss the mouth of each woman, and they kiss each other. One reaches for the waterproof rabbit vibrator you bought her as a gift, and it begins buzzing, powered by the solar-charged recyclable batteries inside it.

She guides it into the V-spot of the other woman, who begins to perform oral sex on you, underwater.

This looks to be the beginning of another wonderful night in paradise, and your mind is even further eased by the thought that your ecological footprint is so small.

You lean back to a rising “O”, and remember to gently toss the empty wine bottle into the bamboo thread towels. It will make another interesting lamp for your collection, or one you can give as a gift, once you convert it to burn vegetable oil.

You close your eyes, enjoying the sweet, juicy taste of the one woman’s mound of pleasure, and catching glimmers of the soy candles lighting the deck.

She is still working her friend with the rabbit, and you watch the unfolding scene, with passionate kissing of breasts, nipple pinches, and of course the smooth, rhythmic sucking of your penis.

As all of your orgasms hit in rapid succession, you know the best is yet to come!

You all move to the bedroom, lit sensuously by vegetable oil lamps, and aromatic soy candles. You fall onto the natural cotton sheets, and move the recycled plastic bottle filled pillows around into comfortable positions.

More toys are brought out, as well as naturally scented water-based lubricants.

You and the women spent the next several hours exploring the limits of intimate pleasure with each other, and then lie, spent and sated, on your environmentally safe Keetsa mattress.

As the sounds and tastes of the night’s fiery passions subside, you snuggle with your women friends, gently kissing them off to sleep.

Tomorrow promises to be another fantastic day!

Since the dawn of fire, humans have been pretty much cluttering up the planetary living rooms, bedrooms, and playrooms of earth, pooping and peeing in the swimming pools of lakes and oceans of the lovely Gaia*, and in general just making giant messes.

Well, it looks as thought the 150,000 years or so we’ve been around as a species may be catching up to us in the form of Global Warming.

While we strive to use less fossil fuels, fidget with the thermostats, and wear animal friendly shoes, eat more veggies, and use organic deodorants and toothpaste, we certainly don’t want to neglect the more intimate and fun side of life here at Onjenoo.

Zoey again kindly asked me for my perspective on all things sexy, and this time she wanted to be sure that we were not harming any innocent vegetables, or committing lewd and lascivious acts with under-aged groceries.

So, in the spirit of the recently celebrated Earth Day, a belated Happy Birthday, Gaia!*

The most obvious way to save the planet is to reduce the dependence on fossil fuel generated power. Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun up above is shining down on all of us, and there has been a huge surge of interest in harvesting that power for a very long time.

One of the offshoots of the space program has been the development and refinement of solar cells, or photo voltaic cells. PV cells power satellites, those blinking road signs that annoy you during highway construction snarls, and also boats and remotely located houses. They also power the ubiquitous solar calculator and digital wristwatch. And, they can also be used to charge batteries.

And so, this is where WE will be demonstrating our loyalty to all things ecological by using a solar battery charger to charge our batteries, and then using those batteries in our favorite toys to recharge OUR batteries while simultaneously discharging our libidos.

Another area that we can easily adapt to greener ways is the use of scented candles in setting the mood for our sexual rendezvous. Romance is often enhanced by the use of visuals, and candles are perfect for igniting that smoldering fire of passion in ourselves and our partners.

But, normal paraffin candles are petroleum by-product based, and not so earth-friendly.

What’s a horny, romantic, ecologically conscious person to do?

Well, that is where soy candles and vegetable oil lamps come into the picture. You can even make your own vegetable oil lamps from old wine bottles if you REALLY want to brag about reusability!

Here’s a link to making one from a beer bottle:

http://www.instructables.com/id/Glass-Bottle-Oil-Lamp/

In the area of sex toys, there are several alternatives to molded plastic devices. Glass is a perfect substitute for plastic, and there are many beautiful glass dildos to be had.

Pyrex™ is one of the best and safest materials made for this use, and is biologically sterile, to boot, and easily cleaned. Plus, these dildos can be cooled or warmed. Follow the manufacturer’s instructions to avoid damaging either them or yourself!

Recharging your batteries using a solar charger is both eco-friendly and economical as well.

Of course, there are always the rechargeable vibrators and solar-powered vibrators. That’s right. I said solar powered. Yes, the folks at California Exotic bring frequent campers and granola-munching hippies a solar rechargeable vibrator called the Matrix Vibe. Leave it for five hours in the sun (or under a lamp), and it’s rarin’ to go.

Some sex toys contain harmful additives or chemicals that are used in their manufacture, such as phthalates. By avoiding these, you are helping to save the planet, since these chemicals linger long after the joy they provide has evaporated. Plus, you are making sure you stay healthy, so you can play longer.

For tree huggers, it can be hard to get through the day without guilty, pre-occupied micro-decisions. You might regretfully take a cab rather than the bus, or grab Styrofoam take-away instead of just sitting down and eating from a plate. In the bedroom, it can be an accomplishment to wade through all of the cultural pollutants and just enjoy ambivalence-free pleasures. So, once you’ve happily integrated one into your life, who wants to worry about a carcinogenic dildo? Or non-biodegradable paddles whose ultimate punishment will mean an eternity of landfill stink? Not sexy.

Adopting a ‘green’ lifestyle is not very difficult, if you put a little thought into it. Now, you have yet another way to cut down on the consumption of the Earth’s bounties, and you can have lots of sexual fun at the same time!

Mr. Cocky

*(Mr. Cocky was pretty busy celebrating with a different kind of spirits, and enjoying the fruits of the delicate female flower with some spirited cunnilingus, so he was somewhat preoccupied and did not notice the formal rites of Earth Day until VERY late in the evening. Oh, well. At least he was not wasting fossil fuels driving around his huge black SUV in a needless pursuit for useless and pointless materialistic ‘stuff’. This is not to say there is necessarily anything wrong with that. People need to eat, after all, and if buying stuff stimulates the flaccid job market, Mr. Cocky is very much in favor of that.)