The other day, Zoey asked me if I could explain to other men what being a receiver of anal sex felt like to the man, and also dispel some of the misinformation going around regarding anal play.

As you might guess, this is a bit touchy of a subject.

Firstly, let’s dispel the idea that putting something in one’s rectum is a ‘gay’ thing to do.

One supposes that gay men do this all the time, and given the options of how to give each other pleasure, it certainly is just sitting there. But, having known gay men and women, and bisexual men and women, and heterosexual men and women, if we are honest, we all were designed in the same way, with the major orifices of entry and exit the same. We all have a mouth, nostrils, ear holes, and assholes. We all have urethras.

Men have penises, women vaginas, and hermaphrodites get both, but viva la difference, as they say.

Married heterosexual women have been getting it in the ass for as long as recorded history, and so have men since at least the Trojan War and sacking of Rome, if classic literature and historical tomes are to be believed. When put into that context, it is not only natural, but one could argue it is inevitable, to have something go in through the out door at least a time or two in one’s life.

Medically, rectal thermometers and enemas are routinely used on infants to elders, so we have precedents there as well as to whether or not this is a natural act.

No, the real rub comes from the morality police, and socialization or stigmatization of certain groups that label things as perverse or immoral. I would argue that these value judgements are not actually based on the observed behavior or consequences of the act, but more on what people think OUGHT to happen to someone who does these things. The issue is clouded by some critics stringent misinterpretation of ‘holy writings’, or even personal vendettas against a class or type of person. So, in essence, the act is being judged not on its capacity for pleasure for the individual, but on some mythic value system that is at best, arbitrary, or at worst, mandated by legislative edict. In either case, people ignore the law or religious dogma constantly, and neither lightning strikes them dead, nor the bastions of brownshirts knock down the doors to their boudoirs, so one might put one’s mind at rest about these trivial matters.

Now then, since women have been quite accomodating in this regard, both allowing it from their male lovers, and participating in it with their female ones as well, we might ask Zoey her perspective about it. Since I already have, I can paraphrase her answer: “Well, it hurts if it isn’t done properly.”

Notice that she didn’t say “NO WAY!” or “The anus is an exit not an entrance” or any of those quaint rejections of the concept. Her concern is one of feeling pain. And it is well founded, unfortunately. We have been conditioned in the United States to view anal sex as the equivalent of rape, from prison films to slasher movies. And, truth be told, if one is not very aware of what one is doing, you can tear a new one, or at least it feels that way.

So, to alleviate this concern, we look to modern science for the concept of lubricity. Now, there’s plenty written about which lubes to use, so I am not going there. However, let me state that butter, chocolate, and food stuffs can harbor or promote bacterial growth if one does not use enemas liberally to clean up. And, Vaseline, grease, or other hydrocarbon by-products are literally a pain in the ass. So, avoid them.

KY, Lubriderm, or baby oil are quite well suited to the task, if we are using a male member, finger, fist, or other biological body part, but they may affect toys and condoms.

I will leave it to Zoey to find the BEST lubricant to use and recommend. I will just say that, for most toys, KY is great, and leave it at that.

The next thing to address is the presentation. By this, I mean, just what are we attempting to put in there?

Anal beads, small vibrators, bullets, or even prostate massagers are all designed explicitly to go into the dark, and come back out. This extrication bit is important, so pay attention. In spite of how good it feels going in, and being in there, eventually play time will be over and you want your toys back. And, having to engage the ASSistance of the Emergency Room staff will make you the BUTT of jokes and knowing looks for a long time to come, so be sure you can retrieve your friends unASSisted.

Once, you have decided to cross over into the forbidden territory, get comfortable, and relax. Take your time! Use towels underneath your body to catch anything messy, from excess lube to excess, well anything else.

About poop - you know, everyone poops. It is a fact of life. It has some pretty weird shapes, smells, consistency, and other attributes. A good enema will clean most of it out, but even then, so will a good BM and a shower. Especially if the shower head is of the adjustable type, on a hose that can be directed at intimate areas.

Cleanliness is important, after all!

So, lubricate a finger, and GENTLY begin to rub and insert it into the rectum. If there is pain, stop. This should never hurt. You might need something smaller, or to relax some more, or just abandon it for now. Don’t rush it!

Once you can get a finger in to the knuckle, you can try a small anal probe, or beads.

Beads are incredible, because one or two whets your appetite, and they come out easily, and build confidence. Also, they don’t hurt, they are smooth, and they have a string for easy retrieval.

And, they are great for partner play.

Once you are able to take small objects, you can steadily increase the size, over time. Remember, you are not out to set a record here, just explore what feels good to your body.

I have had an average sized dildo, beads, bullet vibrators and the occasional finger all comfortably inserted while having plain vanilla missionary position sexual intercourse. It certainly added to the experience, for me, and that usually translated to a better experience for my lover as well.

Vibrators also have the added advantage of creating stimulation in the vaginal and clitoral areas of your partner.

Anal sex with a lover while you have a bullet in your bum is also a very intense and intimate shared moment.

Something that I am considering is having my lover use a strap-on dildo to see what that feels like. Since she is also into having a third, it is possible I might be pitching AND catching at the same time. Now THERE is a mind-picture!

In conclusion, there is nothing any more dirty or unnatural about anal sex than other forms for recreational play. Obviously, humans do not procreate in this manner, unless a cream-pie baby is accidentally made by not using proper contraception, but my research into this is inconclusive.

At this juncture, it is safe to say that anal play is safe, can be controlled for hygienic reasons, and adds a level of intimacy unmatched by other forms of sex. There is every reason to participate in it, but using reasonable caution and care will go a long way in ASSuring that you will both want to get caught from behind, again and again.

Mr. Cocky